An Interview with a Killer

Are you ready to begin?

Shoot.

Well, um. What was your upbringing like?

Wonderful.

What about the relationship with your family? Did anything trouble you?

No, I had an amazing family.

Sorry, I don’t seem to understand.

That’s okay.

Why would you do it then?

Do what?

Why did you murder each and every member of your so-called ‘amazing’ family?

I don’t know. I just did.

Did you have some sort of resentment?

No.

Do you regret what you’ve done?

No.

So, you wouldn’t take back what you did? Perhaps, how you did it?

No.

Doesn’t seem like anyone provoked you in some form. Then why did you do it?

It’s hard to explain.

Try to explain. I want to understand.

You wouldn’t understand.

Were you hearing voices? Did someone threaten you?

No.

Do you think you were in the right state of mind when you killed them?

Yes.

How so?

I had an amazing family, almost too perfect. Nothing ever went wrong. We never bickered. Everything was just so fine and dandy. I could never do wrong in their eyes though I tried many times. They just swept my flaws under the rug. My mother never once yelled at me. My father never hit me. I lived in a fantasy world. My brothers,  sisters and I  were all sheltered and protected from the dangers of the outside world. 

Everything was just perfect. A perfect little family in a perfect suburban home. What could go wrong? The thing is I’m not perfect. I never was and never intended to be. I am a despicable son of a bitch always catered to and looked after. I was tired of it all. I was tired of this fabricated fantasy. People should not live like that. No one should go through that. As much as it all irritated me, I didn’t feel enraged or angry. It was blissful. Nothing phased me. Nothing.

So one day I just had enough, I couldn’t take it, and I murdered them all. If you really think about it, I did them a favor. They all must be very happy now.  I was ought to go with them, but I figured that’s not a place for someone like me. When I did it, crushed them with my bare hands, I had felt the most alive. I had found my true happiness. This is what it means to be truly happy.

The power you have to take another life, it’s thrilling. I don’t know why I hadn’t tried it before. The satisfaction you get is like no other. It doesn’t work with strangers though. It has to be with someone you’ve been attached to for a long time. Unattaching yourself from them gives you the greatest pleasure. Unattaching every bone in their body. Unattaching their body from their soul.  I longed for it so bad.  I never will feel anything like it again. All my family is gone. I have no other attachments. As much as I want to feel free, I can’t. I think it was a one-time thing. Though I do think my freedom is near, for I feel like I’ve gotten to know you over the years, and I’ve become attached to you.

You are my inspiration. You are my salvation.